Not just any guy... well, maybe he is

This one is too easy - another example of someone who thought that adding some English to his sign would make it look so much more professional, but didn't have anyone who actually spoke English take a look at it first. Someone like that might have suggested that he use his whole first name, or maybe just drop the first name altogether. Oh, well.

A little bit beautiful, for Purim, and a little bit absurd, for Purim

A couple of weeks ago, our neighborhood suddenly overflowed with pale lavender and white flowering trees. I'm really no good at identifying botanical species (remember?), but I might naively guess that they were almond trees. Whatever they were, they were everywhere, and they all decided to jump into bloom at the same second. It was nothing short of breathtaking - quite otherworldly. I first noticed it just outside Efrat, on a late Friday afternoon, when we were in a rush to get to my brother's house for the weekend, and couldn't stop to take a picture. After that, the weather got really dusty and overcast, and it never seemed worthwhile to take one - wouldn't the weather surely improve tomorrow? Here's one that I tried taking during that week, but it really doesn't do justice:

Anyway, the weather finally cleared up. I went back to the original, magical spot, and the scene had entirely disappeared. The blossoms had continued on their path (toward fruit?), without waiting for me. It really was a shame, but that's life, I know.

And then, just a couple of days ago, I found this outside a window of my office:

A slacker! A little baby flowering thing that couldn't keep up with the grown-ups! What luck! I snapped the photo and felt, for no good reason, much better.

But yesterday was Purim; we can't have a post with no humor at all. Here's something I got a picture of recently in a Chicago supermarket. This one totally took me by surprise:

Don't most people try to avoid calories? I could see, theoretically, someone buying a package of something because it advertised high vitamins, or low fat. But what's attractive about calories? It was all I could do to figure out what was even in the box - the shape or flavor does not seem to be for sale here as much as the calorie count. I just can't see this scenario. Hmm, I've got the Swiss cheese, I didn't forget the milk, yes, got the cucumbers... what's missing? Aha! How could I forget? I really could use 100 more calories.

Sorry, I tried, but I just can't manage to squeeze myself onto that wavelength.

Happy Purim!

A slight marketing exaggeration

Many of you may know this, but I recently flew back to the U.S. for a short visit. I left late at night, and was pretty exhausted on the plane. Yet something caught my eye - so outrageous, that even in my drowsy state I felt I had no choice but to pull out my trusty camera and take a shot. But before the photo, here's a fast micro-lesson in the laws of kosher food:

There exists a concept in Judaism of "glatt" kosher. According to Kashrut.com, "Glatt is Yiddish for smooth, and in the context of kashrut it means that the lungs of the animal were smooth, without any adhesions that could potentially prohibit the animal as a treifa (non-kosher--T), an issue only applicable to animals, not fowl or non-meat products."

Okay, fair enough. Now, glatt has come, in many circles, to mean "super kosher," and so manufacturers like adding the word on whenever they get a chance. I suppose it's like the new custom of writing "fat-free" on things like raisins or cellphones - items that obviously have no fat, but seem even more appealing when it's pointed out. Although we don't eat red meat in our house, I often find myself eating chicken or turkey that has been labeled glatt. That's not really possible, as understood by the definition of glatt, but like I said, it sounds good, so the newly glatt items keep on coming.

Now, here's what I found on my kosher airline food:


Perhaps they're just referring to extra-creamy cheese, but come on... enough!

A real find at the Malcha Mall in Jerusalem

I'll tell you the truth - the big mall in Malcha is a bit pricey for me, and I try not to go too often. But about a month ago, there was something I had to pick up there, and of course the kids were with me, and of course the Purim costumes had just come out all over, so... I was talked into looking around a toy store for the skeleton costume that my son has been hoping to dress up in this year. They had two different skeletons to choose from, but I managed to talk him out of it for the time being. "Who knows, maybe we'll find something better in the next place, after all, Purim is still a month and a half away," I said, not in the mood to stick around (and likely overpay).

Needless to say, none of the many stores we checked in the following weeks had a skeleton costume. Not one! I was pretty surprised, and I was starting to feel really guilty. If they ran out of stock at the first place, I was going to be in real trouble. So tonight, we went back. Not only was my son's preferred skeleton costume (glow in the dark, naturally) still waiting patiently for him, it was marked half off! A happy ending for all.

But that was only the first lucky strike of the evening. On the way out, we saw this mild-mannered zebra-striped jeep riding mall thing.

Not so impressive, I know, I didn't take it too seriously at the beginning. But since two thirds of my kids had instinctively jumped in, I got closer, and discovered that this was no ordinary riding mall thing. Believe it or not, it dated back to Shakespearian times! Just see for yourself:

Now that was worth the trip.

Just a bit of sophomoric humor

Here's a sign that's cropped up in the past decade or so - it's for a French crepe stand. This is a new-ish concept (i.e. post-my initial arrival to the country in 1990) in Israel - some batter is poured onto a hot plate kind of thing, and delicately developed into a very thin pancake, which can then be topped with chocolate sauce, dulce de leche, or the like.

Unfortunately for those in the business, "crepe" does not yet apparently have its own formal Hebrew word. Therefore, the signs have little choice but to transliterate the crepe, rather than translate. This is really only problematic for crass Americans like myself; being as we can only see the consonants in the word, the French c-r-p kind of stands out blatantly with a less pancakey (and far less appetizing) meaning.


I'm sure it's delicious nonetheless. Bon appetit!

Shouldn't weatherfolk be unbiased?

Okay, today's post is another screen shot. I feel a bit strange using it - somehow it seems like cheating, since a camera wasn't involved. But it really is funny, and I like to share, so here we go.

The weather here has been crazy. First it was freezing (but Really Freezing), and then it snowed. Then we a had a couple of days where we could venture out in short-sleeves, and now we're back to freezing winds and hail. Rumors are even spreading about another possible snowstorm early next week, but I'm trying hard not to believe, so as not to be disappointed if/when it doesn't arrive.

The thing is, Israel is a country where rain really counts - we rely on a wet winter to keep us going during our dry summers. So when it rains here, even if the rain is accompanied by brutal winds and frigid temperatures, it's generally considered politically correct to be grateful, and even enthusiastic.

Yesterday, I had a free minute at work, and checked the weather forecast online. It didn't seem quite objective enough:


Worse? Why are we taking sides? And truthfully, we can't even be sure what this forecast is implying; sure, it could be worse, as in "rainier." But since rain is a good thing, it could also be worse as in "sorry, the rain will taper off."

Pretty silly, if you ask me.

Ready, aim...

Here's a sign that I pass often - it's on the highway from Jerusalem, right before the turnoff to my neighborhood in Efrat. This sign is always a bit alarming to me, although no one else has ever said a word about it, so I guess it's just me, as usual. Here's the background on my shock:

About six years ago, there was an attempted terrorist attack in the main Efrat shopping center. The whole town was shaken up for some time about it, and we haven't really taken our safety for granted since then.

Anyway, not long after, the Northern road in Efrat opened. Just to understand, Efrat is laid out long and skinny, like a baguette. Since it was founded, the entrance had always been from the Southern end. As time went on, more neighborhoods were built, further and further North, toward Jerusalem. When we moved to Efrat, we moved to Zayit, one of the Northernmost neighborhoods, but to get to Jerusalem, we had to drive to the Southern end of the baguette, and then re-travel the distance as we drove back North on the highway. This was obviously silly, and so an additional "Northern road" was eventually built, connecting up to the highway from the other end of the baguette.

When they finally opened the new road, saving us all a lot of travel time, they put up this sign on the highway, to explain which turnoff was which:
The proximity to the then-recent attack made this graphic seem pretty tactless to me. But like I said, I've never heard anyone else say anything about it - is it really just me?