31 January, 2015

A few new goodies

My in-person life really does seem to be getting the best of my online life, but I'm pleased to have found a few spare minutes to share with you the gems that my friends have forwarded to me, just over this past week! Thanks, friends!

First up, this amazing, amazing specimen was found at Cafe Hillel by my good friend Dena. It starts out cute, and ends with an actual chortle!

There's not much I can add to that one. Wow. 

Then, only a few days later, my friend Jane sent this to me, all the way from New Zealand!

They sure are good at keeping secrets down there. Thanks, Jane!!

Then two days ago, this one, from our friend Dave M:

How do you like your scrambird? Over, or easy?

And then last night, my online friend Robin sent this to me, found by Ben - it's a keeper :)

Do you see it? Do you see it? Ahh, that's the stuff :)

I'm so pleased to share all these with you - enjoy! 

In related news, I'm thinking that maybe a facebook page would be a more convenient home for A Time of the Signs - more convenient for me to post, and more convenient for you to read. So I've created one, here - please let me know what you think!!

Have a great day all,

14 January, 2015

The most popular styles - ever!

Welcome! Tonight I'm going to pull out an oldie - this has been waiting for you in my inbox since 2012! Fortunately, bloopers don't spoil :) 

The ever-lovely Mrs. S. from Our Shiputzim found this box of beads (Made in China), and was kind enough to forward it to me:

That really is wonderful 100%! Just so best... You can say what you want about the Chinese - they certainly do seem optimistic and upbeat :)

Have a great day all, and thanks again, Mrs. S. :)

13 January, 2015


My dear husband the Balashon has been blogging up a storm recently. His theory (and it seems to be working pretty well for him so far) is that posting short posts every day or so is far easier than trying to post longer ones, which take a lot more effort. He recommended I try the same thing here, and so I shall, starting with this amazing find, sent to me just today by Avigdor - buckle up!

 See, now this is the kind of mistake I would expect to find in Israel, and yet this sign is charging in dollars... Shame on you, you native English speakers, you! I mean, we all get hungry sometimes, but hopefully not *that* hungry :)

Thanks, Avigdor! And here's hoping to see all of you again soon, at my next short post :) All the best to you in the meantime!

07 January, 2015

Snow Day!

Welcome back, everyone! Here in Gush Etzion we have been blessed with a snow day, and the promise of many more to come. What could be a better opportunity for me to fill your need for funny signs? For example, this has been all over facebook (thanks so much Naomi, Rachelle and Sima!) - apparently it was taken a few years ago, in Jerusalem's Machane Yehuda market:
For those of you who understand Hebrew, that might take a second, and then you'll slap your forehead, unbelieving. For those who don't, I don't even know how to begin to explain this... but yes, it's clearly a mistake. Unless you'd like a side order of government with your salad, I suppose...

And here's another one found for me by that same, wonderful Sima:

I don't know how to read Arabic, but after asking around on facebook, my cool friend Elka told us that it meant to say "Rice with Herbs." Naturally. Sima's original comment made me laugh out loud: What's the main dish? Meatballs with ebola?


Anyway... on to older posts:

Back in the day, my husband Dave found this on facebook, photographed and posted by Ilana Brown, in Jerusalem's Mamilla Mall. Shortly after, it was sent to me by two other friends, Gidon and Jeff. Thanks so much to all of you! Even after all these years of blogging, I'm simultaneously honored and entertained that when people see God-awful typos, they think of me. Anyway, his one is really for the books:
Right?? Clearly they were going for "sweet," um, at least we hope so. That would be a bit more appetizing. Truly a pity that they couldn't find any English speakers in Jerusalem to consult, before printing these gigantic banners and hanging them all over the place...

Here's a great one from our good friend Ricky, who found this on the menu at Waffle bar, also in Jerusalem:

Somehow this makes me feel like the waiter has been working out, and lifting weights, or something. Still, I think someone needs to ask an editor, before we can ask the weitor. 

My always-online-Dave found this fantastic menu for me, originally found by Joel Haber. Let's give these guys the benefit of the doubt, and assume that the line with No Alimonena was created using Google Translate:
This is a twofold mistake: the no part is the shoom in Hebrew - shoom can mean either garlic, or none, which often leads to funny mistranslations. Since I moved here I've been making the joke that Shoom Shamir (Garlic-Dill) can be translated as "Nope, there's no dill in there." It's a cute joke, but still not terribly professional to hang on a wall... Anyway, the second part is limonana, which is a recent, kind of slangy Hebrew term used to combine Limon (lemon) and Nana (spearmint). That's usually a drink, not a sauce, but that's a whole different judgement call. Anyway, clearly the author of this sign was confused by how to translate this, and figured transliterating would be just as good. As long as there's some English lettering up there, it's fine, no one really reads it anyway, right? :)

This was found in a hotel in Eilat, by an online friend of mine who asked to stay anonymous. So mysterious of her, right?
They're so progressive in Eilat :)

And one more today, from our cousin Lisa, who found this gem!
Ah, what a great finale :)

Have a wonderful winter, all of you, whether you're home today or not. Hopefully I'll back soon with more of these. Stay warm in the meantime!

25 November, 2014

The latest mix...

Winter is upon us, and there's nothing like some funny signs to go with your hot cocoa. I'm still pulling things out from my 2011-2012 emails, believe it or not... 

First up today: this gem, found by Micha. Perhaps it's some kind of pet control device? Are dogrings available as well?
Thanks, Micha!

Here's a bizarre sign that Dave found, directed at any characters who wanted to park in this lot:
But how do they judge your character? Seems pretty complicated to me. Thanks, Dave!

Looking through those old emails, it appears that the city of Modi'in was having a particularly hard time with English back in early 2012. First, this was found, by our friend Ari:
Huh? What? But before we could spend much effort trying to decipher that one, this was found elsewhere in the same city by my friend Rachel!
And just at the same time, my friend Dena found this on Anglodeals - also in Modi'in! Truly bizarre, I hope things have improved since :)

Evidently that was meant to be blueberry... Thanks, Ari, Rach and Dena!

Oh - one more from the archives, before we move on - here's this strange, strange translation, found by our friend Aaron, while riding the train:
Just to make it clear, the direct translation here is: 
In Case of Emergency! Pull the handle, 
Wait for the train to stop,
Move the door sideways to open.
Penalty for misuse.

So - huh? How did they get to pushing leaves?? 
Thanks, Aaron!

And now, for some more recent finds :)

My virtual friend Dina found this in the Be'er Sheva train station:
That's a cute translation - somehow I've got images of trains wearing sneakers in my head now :)

My friend Brie shared this gorgeous, gorgeous typo on facebook this afternoon:
This one will be funnier for Hebrew speakers. The word for surf in Hebrew has the root G-L-SH, which is similar enough to goulash, apparently, to cause this ridiculous situation :) Thanks, Brie!

And last but certainly not least, for today: my friend Naomi found this and shared it with me moments before I happened to be headed to the grocery store, so naturally, when I got there, I searched it out and grabbed a photo :)
It's hard enough for people who move here to get used to saying soup almonds instead of soup nuts, now we've got soap nuts? Maybe it's just me, but that does not sound appetizing. The world has just gone mad, that's all I can say :) Thanks so much, Naomi!

That's all for now, folks! As always, I'm sharing this with Lesley, over at her weekly meme, called Signs, Signs. Oh, and a quick public service message - my brother has started a really funny and quite delicious blog, called The Awesome Sauce Kitchen. He's off to a great start - go and check him out!

Happy Thanksgiving to all, and here's hoping for a wet winter here in Israel - see you again soon!

02 October, 2014

Happy New Year!

Well, we're in between Rosh HaShana and Yom Kipur, that special time of year where we try to act on our best behavior, in order to convince God that we're worthy of living another year. And how better to do that than by posting more funny signs? Not only will I fulfill my promise to post every two weeks or so, I also get to amuse the masses at the same time. Buckle up!

First in line today: this is something that I actually posted this week on my pretty photoblog. My family and I found it on all the lawns in front of Buckingham Palace, on our brief layover there, this past summer:

At first we were surprised at the typo - not only in England, the land of proper English, but around the actual palace, seemingly a highly important, much seen area. And then it occurred to me that perhaps this is a British expression? Like "take care of the grass," you know, that kind of thing. I was so pleased to give them the benefit of the doubt, but I'm sorry to say that all the British people I've asked confirmed that this is indeed a blooper. Oh, well. Then again, if they can do it, I don't need to feel as badly when Israelis do things like this:

That brilliant one was spotted by my ever-alert husband on Facebook - it was posted by Avi Shekhtman. Thanks so much, Avi, for letting me use this! I'll be sure to keep my popcorn away from your face :)

Here's something that Yonina found a few years ago - particularly appropriate for our upcoming Yom Kipur:

During the year, that makes a little less sense - this water is confused. Are you prohibited, or for drinking? Thanks, Yonina!

If you're feeling topsy turvy, you're not the only one - here's a gem found by Deena, quite a while ago, in Malcha:

Even sadder - Deena pointed out that technically, the "up" there could be read "dn," leading to this ridiculous situation. Is that an excuse? Well, we'll forgive them, 'tis the season :)

Here's something that would get me to walk in the door - I'd do almost anything to be considered cool:
That one was from Debbie, who found it on Kanfei Nesharim, in Jerusalem. And my good friend Dena pointed out that the apostrophe in the Hebrew is in the wrong place, too - I knew something looked wonky over there :) Thanks, Debbie and Dena!

And as a finale, here's something I found at Hadassah's Mount Scopus hospital, just yesterday:
All of us who have tried typing documents in both Hebrew and English know that it's tricky to get the words to line up - sometimes they slide over inexplicably, and it's a little challenging to get it right. But - it can be done! And this is not a random document, it's a proper sign, paid for and hung all over the hospital! Really a pity that they couldn't afford a proofreader; I guess the cutbacks at Hadassah this past year went further than I had thought :)

That's it for now - thanks for dropping by! As always, I'll link to Lesley's blog, Signs, Signs. Here's to a wonderful New Year, and a meaningful, effective Yom Kipur to us all!

12 September, 2014

I did it!

Look at me - I said two weeks, and here I am :)

I'm going to open with this one that I found about a month ago - it actually shocked me. This is on the road from Gush Etsion, where I live, to Jerusalem. I've lived here since the summer of 2000. It *must* be a new sign, right? There's *no way* that it's been here this whole time, and I didn't notice? Here's hoping...

Here's a sign that I found back in - gulp - 2011! So nice, they wrote it twice:

Here's something that our friend Raffi found, many years ago. They may have been going for cheapness, but personally, I'd call this priceless :)

Here's something that our cousins Mark and Pat found a few years ago, when here in Israel for a visit. They were impressed, as was I, with the spaciousness of the mayonnaise:

Here's something that my dear Dave found at a takeout place that used to exist, here in Efrat:
That one is funny on a couple of levels - the "staffed" instead of "stuffed" is amusing, but the fact that they had no energy to write "grape leaves, onions, and cabbage" and just settled on "things" borders on hilarious :)

And last for today, this was spotted by Avital, a virtual friend of mine, who found it on the side of an Israeli garbage truck. Shame that they decided to skip the Hebrew altogether, I suppose they figured it's modern and cool to do English only - and what impressive English!

That's it for today, folks! Thanks for coming by - have a wonderful weekend!

Oh, and naturally I'll post this to Lesley's meme, Signs, Signs. How can I resist? :)